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Anal First time Gay Teen. Of course, not everyone who has a vagina is a woman — and not all women have vaginas. But because the cultural understanding of "losing your virginity" is so rooted in the gender binary and the experience of heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex PIV , the term "woman" is appropriate here.

Assigned-female-at-birth AFAB people who don't identify as women may have similar experiences and assigned-male-at-birth transgender women likely won't.

But every first time is different, of course, even for the two or, in some special cases, more than two people involved. Even the definition of first time can be different, with some folks counting oral sex or digital penetration as the time they lost their virginity.

Here's what it was like for eight different women. For some people, it takes a little bit of time to really be ready, even when they think they're already there.

That could be for a variety of reasons: maybe they need to warm their bodies up a little more or relax so they're not too tense or maybe they just need an understanding boyfriend, like Marvy had.

We were long distance, so I came to visit him for a week. For a week, we kept trying, but I was too nervous to relax and he was a bit sizable in the penis department.

Finally, after basically a week of foreplay, we made it happen, and it was great. One of the reasons for the painful-first-time narrative is because people of all genders aren't taught about the need for lots of warm up before PIV sex.

I say "warm-up" instead of "foreplay" because "foreplay" implies that everything before the penis goes in isn't sex. Unfortunately, that was the case for Lily.

Blair says that not paying enough attention to the warm-up is the number one reason PIV intercourse hurts for many vagina-havers. Blair says.

It might come as no big surprise, but woman are actually more likely to orgasm when they have sex with other women. Maybe that explains why Sarah, 38, tells Bustle her first time with another woman "felt like shooting stars soaring through my body and especially tingling my toes.

Blair doesn't even use the term "virgin" because, she says "it's so heteronormative. PIV intercourse is just a small aspect of it.

While most women need a good amount of making out, oral sex, and rubbing before their vulvas and vaginas are ready for penetration, unfortunately that's often not the case with first-time PIV.

Or, as was the case for Michelle, their teenage boyfriends don't really understand what "warming up" entails.

My sweet boyfriend was patient and worried he'd hurt me that we took it really slow. Unfortunately, the stereotype of the guy just going for and the girl wincing in pain does still apply to some people's first time.

And, like Ziggy, some of those people have figured out very colorful metaphors to describe the feeling. Sometimes a person's first time is just Like you're not sure what's going on?

Or whether it feels good?

Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it , until like 2 years later. I got pretty drunk and had sex with one of my childhood friends on his birthday in the basement of his house.

Then, the next day, I found out one of my best friends also had sex for the first time that night. So to this day, she and I will text each other on October 30 to say happy anniversary.

I was so incredibly nervous — I think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow. To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that I think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go.

It all happened pretty naturally. It wasn't painful, but it honestly didn't feel like anything at all was happening. And then minutes later it was over.

It was late at night and we were in the backseat of his car. I was really nervous, but he was patient and managed to make me feel comfortable and sexy, even.

I felt comfortable, but out of nowhere, I got really nervous. He told me to relax and that we didn't have to continue if I didn't want to, but I did.

It was very painful to the point that I had to stop because I was in so much pain. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imaged something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience.

He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn't have to continue.

He made me feel better about the experience, and we are still together two and a half years later.

He made me feel comfortable and respected, so one night, I went over and we had sex. It wasn't awkward or weird, and it wasn't this special magical moment either.

We went to a diner the next morning for breakfast and texted my best friend group chat the link to Lonely's Island's "I Just Had Sex," and I think they were more excited about it than me to be honest.

I wasn't ready at all and he was. And then it sort of just happened to me rather than me choosing whether or not I wanted to. His friend was asleep in his hotel room, so we did it on the balcony.

It was completely unplanned, but I've never regretted it. I'm still friends with the guy, too. Surprisingly, it wasn't uncomfortable. It didn't hurt or anything like I'd expected, which was interesting!

I was After class, I hung out with my boyfriend at his house he lives with his parents. Later, I snuck back in after his parents fell asleep.

It was super unexpected and definitely not planned. I didn't necessarily feel bad, and I definitely don't regret any of it, the circumstances just made it hard for me to let go and loosen up.

Thinking back to it eight months and many sexy times later, I honestly wouldn't change anything. I've grown so much more comfortable with sex, and I can thank my boyfriend for that for being kind and gentle.

But the conversation was always about boys, never about being sexual with girls , so I felt completely unprepared when I went to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time.

It was the summer after I graduated from high school and I was on a date with this kid I knew since elementary school.

We had talked about it before and we got this cheap motel and we did it. I felt kinda numb until the next morning, when I got in the shower and cried for an hour.

It wasn't a big deal in my mind, as I'd lose it one day anyway, so why not then? I was talking to the boy for awhile and he made me feel like it was the right thing to do.

I imagined it'd be like in the movies — all sweet and romantic, all planned out. It wasn't! It was awkward and I didn't really know what to do.

Since then, my experiences have gotten better as I now know what I'm doing. We always joked about marriage, and he was cute, but I never felt attracted to him.

One day, we went hiking, and he kissed me at the top of the peak, and I felt excited. He was older, his arms were strong, and he wasn't aggressive like the boys I kissed in my grade.

He was my best friend and we were kissing — what!!! Anyway, that summer, we talked about having sex, but he insisted that I had to be Finally, my birthday came, and his family was home, so we snuck into his backyard and went into a children's playhouse adorned with little kitchenware and dolls.

So not sexy. It was awkward and it didn't really work. He blamed me for it. It was really immature. Also, after having sex with guys, I've realized that sex with girls is more my speed — more fun.

I had always been nervous about the idea of sex. I had so many questions about how it would feel. But we discussed it and we both agreed we trusted each other fully.

At first, it felt weird — not painful, but just a completely different feeling. My advice is to make sure you trust this person so you can enjoy it even if it is awkward at first.

I had met this guy online when I was younger and we had been talking for awhile. I had gone to see him a couple times and he said he didn't want to be my first.

But then on New Year's Eve, he invited me over and we ended up having sex. I felt super weird after, because I was like, maybe I should've waited for someone I loved.

I really think that shapes how I treat sex now. I know a lot of people whose first time was with someone they loved, and now sex is this sacred thing for them — whereas for me, sex is really just an act of pleasure.

My boyfriend was visiting and it felt right at the time. But then he had to leave to go back to school, and I was left with a lot of emotions, including regret and shame.

I missed him and I felt overwhelmed. Even though we aren't dating anymore, I really did love him and a part of me always will. My boyfriend at the time and I had been together for about eight months and things were getting serious, so we decided to do it.

I was expecting it to be so nice and amazing, but instead it was so painful. It only lasted a couple of seconds. We had sex in a car how romantic, right?

I was so nervous that he wouldn't feel that 'spark,' but he did. At the time, I felt amazing. I thought I found the guy of my dreams and that we'd get married.

We're no longer together, but I don't regret the experience. I just wished I had known I didn't need to have sex with a guy for him to approve of me or continue dating me.

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My sweet boyfriend was patient and worried he'd hurt me that we took it really slow. Unfortunately, the stereotype of the guy just going for and the girl wincing in pain does still apply to some people's first time.

And, like Ziggy, some of those people have figured out very colorful metaphors to describe the feeling. Sometimes a person's first time is just Like you're not sure what's going on?

Or whether it feels good? Or whether you even like it? And, sometimes, it's just kind of "meh. A lot first times are like the experience Kess had: Not great, but not terrible either.

But one thing this list makes really clear is that women have a wide range of experiences their "first time," no matter how they define it.

Willis, Malachi, et al. By Emma McGowan. Marvy, First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse For some people, it takes a little bit of time to really be ready, even when they think they're already there.

Lily, First time: Penis in vagina sexual intercourse One of the reasons for the painful-first-time narrative is because people of all genders aren't taught about the need for lots of warm up before PIV sex.

Sarah, First time: Oral girl on girl It might come as no big surprise, but woman are actually more likely to orgasm when they have sex with other women.

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